History can be a great comfort sometimes. Ever think, for example, that we've reached at the absolute nadir of Western-Middle East relations? That the 2003 invasion of Iraq was an unparalleled mixture of cynicism and incompetence? Then just learn about the Suez Crisis forty years ago and you'll realise that things, unbelievably, have actually been worst.
I always knew Britain's botched invasion of Egypt, after Colonel Nasser nationalised the Suez Canal, was a mess. It put a definitive end to both the dwindling British Empire and the (never very high) reputation of the then Prime Minister, Anthony Eden. But before I watched BBC2's excellent documentary Suez: A Very British Crisis, I didn’t realise how ludicrous things got. The trouble for Eden was that he was itching to attack Egypt as soon as the Canal was occupied but had no actual excuse. No British citizens were massacred, no ships were stopped from entering the waterway. France, though, came up with a Cunning Plan. Israel was persuaded to launch a sudden attack on Egypt, something it was prone to do in those days. French and British troops would then intervene as peacekeepers to protect the Canal; incidentally reoccupying it in the process. Butter, even in the desert, wouldn't melt in their mouths.
Fortunately this scheme got the dexterous planning it deserved. Suez... was full of hilarious and scarcely believable little details. America getting so exasperated by the secrecy that it sent U2 spy planes over its staunchest ally, Israel. Nasser coolly surveying British jets bombing his capital while Eden bricks it before a BBC broadcast. French pilots scrambled and not actually given maps of their destination until they are in the cockpit, which is so dark they almost can't read them.
The purest farce, though, came when Britain, France and Israel met in the suburbs of Paris to finalise their scheme. Israel sent their Prime Minister, who hated Britannica and was soon calling her an "old whore." Britain was initially represented by Selywn Lloyd, a Foreign Minister who "often had trouble relating to foreigners." After some tough negotiations, the diplomats nipped out to a nightclub where they watched a performance of the can-can. Finally a treaty is drawn up and signed. Eden was horrified when he learns of this, written documents understandably not fitting in with his concept of secret plots. He sent some flunkies back to Paris to try and persuade the French to burn the papers. They were put in a stateroom and the door was locked for several hours, for no discernable reason.
Shimon Peres, a junior member of the Israeli delegate, chuckles mightily when relating all this to the BBC cameras. I don't blame him. To call it redolent of a Yes Prime Minister episode is too complimentary to the actors. It's pure PG Wodehouse. The only difference being that Anthony 'Bertie' Eden didn't have a Jeeves to rescue him.
Thankfully. It's frightening that people like this got into power but would be even more terrifying if they had succeeded. And, as I said, the episode is slightly comforting. Today's rulers may not have much understanding of their job or their electorate, but at least they have a vague grasp of reality.
I always knew Britain's botched invasion of Egypt, after Colonel Nasser nationalised the Suez Canal, was a mess. It put a definitive end to both the dwindling British Empire and the (never very high) reputation of the then Prime Minister, Anthony Eden. But before I watched BBC2's excellent documentary Suez: A Very British Crisis, I didn’t realise how ludicrous things got. The trouble for Eden was that he was itching to attack Egypt as soon as the Canal was occupied but had no actual excuse. No British citizens were massacred, no ships were stopped from entering the waterway. France, though, came up with a Cunning Plan. Israel was persuaded to launch a sudden attack on Egypt, something it was prone to do in those days. French and British troops would then intervene as peacekeepers to protect the Canal; incidentally reoccupying it in the process. Butter, even in the desert, wouldn't melt in their mouths.
Fortunately this scheme got the dexterous planning it deserved. Suez... was full of hilarious and scarcely believable little details. America getting so exasperated by the secrecy that it sent U2 spy planes over its staunchest ally, Israel. Nasser coolly surveying British jets bombing his capital while Eden bricks it before a BBC broadcast. French pilots scrambled and not actually given maps of their destination until they are in the cockpit, which is so dark they almost can't read them.
The purest farce, though, came when Britain, France and Israel met in the suburbs of Paris to finalise their scheme. Israel sent their Prime Minister, who hated Britannica and was soon calling her an "old whore." Britain was initially represented by Selywn Lloyd, a Foreign Minister who "often had trouble relating to foreigners." After some tough negotiations, the diplomats nipped out to a nightclub where they watched a performance of the can-can. Finally a treaty is drawn up and signed. Eden was horrified when he learns of this, written documents understandably not fitting in with his concept of secret plots. He sent some flunkies back to Paris to try and persuade the French to burn the papers. They were put in a stateroom and the door was locked for several hours, for no discernable reason.
Shimon Peres, a junior member of the Israeli delegate, chuckles mightily when relating all this to the BBC cameras. I don't blame him. To call it redolent of a Yes Prime Minister episode is too complimentary to the actors. It's pure PG Wodehouse. The only difference being that Anthony 'Bertie' Eden didn't have a Jeeves to rescue him.
Thankfully. It's frightening that people like this got into power but would be even more terrifying if they had succeeded. And, as I said, the episode is slightly comforting. Today's rulers may not have much understanding of their job or their electorate, but at least they have a vague grasp of reality.
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