As I gradually melt into a rather putrid pool, I read that this is the hottest July in Britain 'since records began'. I thought it might be. Every month seems to be the something-est one since records began - the hottest, the coldest, the wettest, the sunniest, the darkest, the fattest (particularly common in these obese times) or just the nicest. We're rarely told whose records they are or when precisely they did begin. I suspect they're reset every few years so that every month, like every child in a talent contest, can have a prize.
If the heatwave continues, be sure of another story re-emerging soon. Some, perhaps, all of the water companies will announce that their reservoirs are empty so can everyone please stop turning on their taps. And then the reaction. How much of the water from said reservoirs is actually distributed around the country through holes in leaky pipes - usually around a third - and why nobody spends any money fixing these pipes. Spokesmen from the companies will give the usual response, which can be summarised as "You think we're wasting a lot of water this year? That's nothing to how much we wasted five years ago." But just once I'd like one of them to stand up and scream, "So we're cutting back on essential repairs to maximise profits? We're a private company. That's what we're supposed to do. If you don't like it, you shouldn't have sold off the bloody water industry in the first place."
If that happens, and if the government responds by re-nationalising the water companies, they may make it the sanest month since records began.
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