Saturday, September 30, 2006

Some Vague Thoughts On The Ten Commandments

The Ten Commandments fall into two basic types: technical and general. The former, which also appear first, concern the nature of worship. None of that fiddly business to do with transubstantiation and rosaries, which caused so many people to kill one another later. Just a few basic ground rules. The second sort deal with how we should relate to one another rather than directly to our God.

The first commandment is, I confess, one that gives me some problem. Worship no other gods but me, said the Lord. I don't find it troubling directly. I've never felt any great urge to bow down to Buddha or Vishnu or the rest of the gang. And it's an understandable law, of course. God was speaking to what was basically a group of ragged asylum seekers lost in the middle of a desert. He would have wanted to remind then of the point of their exodus, why they had left their relatively comfortable old lives. From this perspective, it is essentially no different from a manager telling his players to be loyal to their team.

It is still rather draconian, however. And it's a commandment which has been used to justify crusades, holy wars, forced conversions; basically, a great deal of evil committed in the name of the Lord. It set Judaism and Christianity apart from other religions of the ancient world right from the start. Worshippers of Vesta, say, wouldn't deny the existence of Jupiter or Dionysus or deny the rights of others to worship them. But for the Jews and later the Christians, there was only one God and this commandment backed up the claim. Or they may have done, after it had been tweaked a little. I've got two Bibles; the King James version first produced in 1611 and the more modern Good News. The latter goes with a simple 'worship no god but me.' King James, though, has 'no god before me.' This seems a slight softening of the instruction; interestingly, done at a time when softening of anything wasn't exactly common. It hints at the practice more common in ancient times, when a certain god was given pre-eminence by particular groups but many others were also acknowledged. And that lets in the potential for ecumenicalism and tolerance in our times. I don't know precisely how the original Hebrew should be translated. But it seems likely that even a God emphatically laying down the law wouldn't expect His followers to cast out all their practices. Even if that meant allowing them to at least acknowledge other deities.

The second commandment, about not bowing down to graven images, seems a simple reinforcement of the first and so logical enough. In fact, though, the commandment doesn't simply prohibit bowing down. It also bans making 'any likeness of anything that is in heaven, or anything that is in the earth beneath or that is in the water under the earth.' What we have here is basically a universal condemnation of all representative art.

The one always used to puzzle me. Mainly because the very places which told us to obey all God's rules are themselves defying one. The churches with their stained glass likenesses of things in heaven (the angels, for example), on earth (Adam and Eve, the creatures on Noah's ark) and even in the sea (the whale which gulped down Noah). You could say that the abstract paintings of Jackson Pollock and his like are actually less blasphemous than all so-called 'religious art.' And I still can't find a solution to the paradox except for this one. The commandment is just ignored. It may have had a little influence, I suppose. Perhaps it is the reason why the God of the Bible, almost uniquely of all deities worshipped, is almost never pictured directly. It has become to describe Him mockingly as being a white-bearded man sat on the cloud. But this is the product of a very limited number of images; most famously Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel fresco. Far more common is for God to be depicted through the proxy of his son. But Jesus, of course, is someone 'that is in heaven' himself, except for the short period when he was 'in the earth'. Judea-Christianity has simply bypassed half of the second commandment. In terms of both the success of the religion (for no faith can spread without strong images) and the enrichment of society in general, this was a very wise decision.

The commandment ends with a familiar carrot-and-stick message. Defiance will bring punishment upon you, your sons, your sons' sons and so on. Obedience will lead to great rewards. It's a little strange that God puts this here, rather than at the start or end of the whole list. Perhaps He anticipated that this instruction would be an especially tricky one to enforce, given humanity's perennial love of pictures. The wording, in one translation at least, is also interesting. Good News has Him simply calling Himself 'the Lord your God.' According to King James, though, He claims to be 'a jealous God.' If the latter is correct, it's rather a strange thing to confess to. Jealousy is a weakness. It is one of the deadly sins and actually condemned in the last commandment. Perhaps nothing more was intended than to reinforce the heinousness of bowing down to another deity. But I like to think that God could be admitting to a very human foible in the midst of one of the greatest moments of His power.

Of all the commandments actually acknowledged, the third which prohibits taking the Lord's name in vain has to be the most regularly violated. Nearly everyone does it, and does it at least once a day. And in an amazing variety of ways. The English language alone has been considerably expanded by blasphemies, from classics like 'zounds' (i.e. 'God's wounds') and 'bejesus' to modern favourites such as 'Jesus H Christ.' (Incidentally, what does the 'H' stand for? Holy? Hallowed? Henry? I think we need to know this.) Occasionally I try to prise out the exclamations which form such a regular part of my speech. I find, though, that this makes me swear rather more – "For Christ's sake" becomes "For fuck's sake," for example. And in one more indication of the inherent secularism of our society, this brings me rather more criticism than actual blasphemies. I suppose the solution is to stop cursing entirely. On the other hand, I'm only human. For fuck's sake.

The fourth commandment requires us to labour for six days and rest on the seventh, to mimic God's rapid creation of the world. This is really a combination of the 'technical' commandments and the more general ones. It's an excellent idea for many physical, mental and social ones. It has also fundamentally affected the structure of western societies From here came the concept of the weekend, the moral approval placed on (limited and carefully controlled) idleness and, ultimately, the modern leisure industry. And the instruction continues to have an influence, even on atheists. Sunday trading laws have been gradually chipped away by the greed of retailers and the timidity of governments. Saturday has joined Sunday as a day of rest for most of us. But Saturdays still tend to be when we do most of our household tasks; leaving Sunday devoted to pleasure. Unfortunately, our definition of enjoyment nowadays often requires others to work. Somebody has to play the football games, run the rollercoaster rides or staff the DIY stores. Our rest often isn't especially restful any more and can rarely be carried out alone.

We generally get told that we should spend our Sundays at church. However, this is simply a convention first created by expediency. Sundays used to be the only time people were released from their labour long enough to worship. Nothing in the actual commandment requires it, beyond the rather vague notion about keeping the day 'holy'. It could be argued that Sunday should be the one time people avoid church. Because their attendance requires the clergy to work, thus disobeying one of the commandments they are advocating.

Now we get on to the commandments dealing more with how people treat one another; as essential to a proper religion as the mechanics of worship. Honouring your father and mother used to be emphasised especially, and no wonder. It was always a handy reinforcement of traditional patriarchal authority. However, to honour (or even, to use Good News' interpretation, 'respect') doesn't necessarily mean 'automatically obey.' I've always seen it as saying we should try to both love and like our parents. So we should, even in this era of looser familial relations. Except, possibly, for those unlucky enough to have been mistreated by theirs. The end of the commandment hints at one reason why. There is a promise that if you obey you will long enjoy 'the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.' I don't think this is just God using the carrot again. He is reminding us exactly what our parent gave us. Life, and so, at the start, everything. So respect, as DJ's used to say, is due.

'Thou shalt not kill,' according to King James, comes next. Anti-abortionists are very fond of this one. It is the only piece of text in the whole of the Bible which justifies their creed. I think, however, that we need to be careful how freely we define it. Push it in other directions and it becomes a commandment supporting pacifism or vegetarianism. And neither of these are supported elsewhere. Some of the disciples, for example, were fishermen, which requires killing on a rather regular basis. And the God of the Old Testament was always telling his followers to smite their enemies, even when He wasn't doing the smiting Himself. The narrower translation in Good News, 'Do not commit murder,' seems truer in this instance. Which doesn’t seem enough for many people, including me, but there you are.

The next two commandments instruct us not to steal or commit adultery. God hasn't supplied footnotes in either instance. Frankly, they don't need any. Just say no, kids.

The final pair are perhaps the subtlest ones. Both recognise that harm can be done to others not simply through the direct means of assault or theft but through simple speech as well. Particularly number nine: 'Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.' The precise wording makes it seems a very limited instruction, simply prohibiting committing perjury in a court. I think, though, that this can be legitimately extended further. Do not slander somebody, or libel them, or spread rumours or lies about them. Don't say a word about them, basically, which you don't believe to be true. And this could include false compliments and flattery, which themselves can be damaging. If you stick to this notion of falseness, however, not all methods of harm are excluded. You can probably insult somebody, providing you genuinely believe in the insult. This is a commandment against gossip rather than bad manners, one which exhorts honesty. Which makes it an excellent rule to follow.

At school, we were told that the final commandment was said to be against coverting thy neighbour's ass. I suspect this was done to give bored children a cheap laugh. (And how it worked.) In fact, the list of things not to desire is rather longer: 'thy neighbour's house… thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbour's.' It's against envy, basically, chiefly though not specifically relating to possessions. I don't think that this instruction was put last because it was seen as the least important. Rather, it underlines the whole list. Jealousy can cause us to break all the other commandments. It can lead us to theft and (when one starts coverting wives) adultery most obviously, but also to slander, dishonouring parents, even murder. Greed can make us work on the Sabbath. Ultimately it can create a god other than the one who speaks in the Bible.

Which it has done, of course. Perhaps we covert even more regularly than we blaspheme or represent the things of the earth. We covert every day and we are told it is right to do so. The whole of modern consumerist society is based on coverting. We're told to buy one thing after another not because of their worth because somebody else already has them. Even if the 'neighbour' in question is just a person in an advert with a pleasing smile, the principle is the same. I don't think that it's just uneasiness about the word 'ass' which makes the religious right gloss over this final commandment.

Finally, what isn't in the Ten Commandments? A ban on abortion for one, unless you add some words which aren't actually there. Nothing about homosexuality, sex outside marriage or single mothers; those who take up religion as an excuse to hate other people have had to root through St Paul's letter tray to excuse them here. There's no mention of drugs or cigarettes, which is understandable as neither to the people in the desert at the time. Nor of alcohol, less so because it emphatically was.Less encouraging are other omissions. Assault which isn't intended to cause death. Rape. Kidnap. Prostitution, pimping, usury, arson, blackmail, bullying… and those are just off the top of my head. A man could live a life which is evil by every definable standard and still claim not to be breaking any of the Ten Commandments. Which leads to the thought that the list can't be used alone to form a set of laws, either religious or civil. It can't even be the keystone, as the Constitution is in America. Too much is vague where it should have been precise, too much is specified when it should have been left open. God's instructions to Moses were a starting point and nothing else. Little wonder that His son later felt the need to come down and sort a few things out.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

A Thin Story

London Fashion Week used to be marked by endless accounts about how silly the clothes on display are. The dresses are just as daft this year. Nobody's taking any notice of them, however. Instead, all focus is on those wearing them and their resemblance to living skeletons. Many journalists are concerned that teenage girls will take one look at them and instantly embrace anorexia and/or bulimia. Interestingly, this comes in the midst of a more sustained moral panic about obesity. Again, the primary focus is on teenage girls. But, just for the moment, the greatest threat to Western civilisation isn't being five pounds overweight. It's anorexia, and it's all the fault of those evil models.

These public outrages tend to happen in isolation. Few ever try to link them up. Nobody has suggested, for example, that some may be encouraged by the models to shed a few unnecessary pounds. Or that another possible cause of anorexia is every branch of the media constantly screaming "You're a lard arse!" Or even that models, together with actresses and female singers, are possibly so thin because gossip columnists slap the 'fat girl' tag on them as soon as they try looking remotely normal. Journalists need simple wrongdoers and this can never be other journalists.

As a result, women's bodies have become a constant subject of public debate. Perhaps, as a heterosexual male, I shouldn't mind this too much. But I'm also a heterosexual male who likes to read some actual news occasionally; like who my country's at war with this week, for example. Anyway, this isn't the GQ-style "Phwoar, look at the jugs on that" sort of enjoyable nonsense. It's the endless tutting of elderly, prudish tongues. The only reason it isn't accompanied by claims of "When I were a lad, models looked like real women" is that this would be too obvious a lie. Models have always looked the same; Twiggy didn't earn her nickname for nothing. Not only is this 'story' not news, it isn't even new.

Incidentally, for any journalists who really disapprove of London Fashion Week: It isn't like Miss World, which survived for decades without coverage. The only people who care about it are other journalists. If you ignore it for long enough, it really will go away.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Huh?

OK, so let's see if I'm interpreting the latest ICM poll, as reported in today's Sunday Mirror, correctly:
45% of people want Tony Blair to resign immediately. That's double those who chose the next most popular option, for him to do a full fourth term. About the same number want Gordon Brown to be the next Labour leader, and therefore Prime Minister. Nobody else comes anywhere near Brown's popularity. Yet 57% believe Blair makes a better premier than Brown would. In other words: there must be a substantial number of people out there who think Tony Blair should hand over power right now to somebody who would do a worst job.
A couple of weeks ago I said the Blair-Brown contest was the dullest political feud in English history. I take that back. Now it's just getting plain surreal.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Health Forum

Regular viewers of this blog (not that there are any; even my mum only dips in sporadically) may notice a change in the links opposite. HealingWell is out; Health Forum is in. My new favourite only started on Monday, so far offers naught but message boards and a chat room, has about 15 members to date and boasts a frankly rubbish name. But I really can't recommend HealingWell anymore, save for nostalgics wanting to experience old school totalitarianism.
Earlier this week a good friend of mine was banned from HealingWell. This followed an argument in the chatroom. It was sparked off when a newbie insulted a friend of hers without justification. I don't know exactly what was said. But 'exact' seems a redundant concept when all my friend was told by the site administrator was that her behaviour was 'inappropriate'. HealingWell, presumably, frowns upon people defending those they care about. Her friend was banned as well, for being around at the same time I guess. The site administrator didn't even have the courtesy to tell her why. He got in touch with me after I sent him an extremely snooty email complaining about his decision. This appears to be a man who is impressed by pomposity. He had full logs of the argument, he said, and I didn't know the full story. As he didn't even summarise his side of it, this has to be one of the feeblest defences I've ever heard.
And last weekend the epilepsy forum moderator was summarily removed from her post by the same administrator. She wasn't given any warning beforehand or, again, much of an explanation afterwards. Her crime appears to be to have taken a weekend off to spend with her family. The next day in the chat room she told a member that she'd been fired rather than quit. In a private conversation, incidentally - but the administrator reads logs of these as well when the mood takes him. He read this one and she was also banned from the whole site. Forum moderators are volunteers who give up a lot of their time and have to put up with a lot from snotty buggers like myself. This one had done the role for two years and, you would think, deserved a little more respect. Now I notice that some of her recent postings have been pulled off the forum. Had she been anything of a dictator, I would say this was exactly like a fallen Soviet leader being airbrushed from history.
I know about the rights of administrators to make these decisions and, right now, I don't give a toss. Sites like this are supposed to be for the benefit of their members. This particular member is disgusted and I'm not the only one. So if you have a medical condition you need help with, check out the Health Forum. You'll be part of a new venture right at its inception, you'll get to talk to kind, sympathetic and often very funny people. And I promise, eventually us disgruntled old HW members will calm down and stop slagging off our old site.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Diddy Men

I see Sean Combs, aka Puff Daddy aka whatever else he feels like that week, has been prevented from yet another rebranding exercise recently. An obscure British DJ noticed that Combs was about to take his own stage name. He threatened the American millionaire with court, winning exclusive rights to the alias and his legal costs in the bargain.
An uplifting story, until you see the name they were disputing. Diddy. I mean, Diddy? A name which, unless I'm mistaken, was first coined by everyone's favourite wacky tax evader Ken Dodd. Is this what rap, a genre which once gave us magnificient creations like Queen Latifa, Niggers With Attitude and Grandmaster Flash, has sunk to? Or has this unsettling undercurrent always run through it? Perhaps the cataclysmic East-West rivalry between Tupac Shakur and The Notorious BIG in the 1990's was really over who had the right to change their name to Flopsy-Wopsy.
Name calling has always between an important part of rap. But for God's sake, boys, stick to calling one another hoes and muthafuckas. It's far more dignified.

Stasis

Recently I've actually been warming to the Conservative Party. Not, of course, because of Cokehead Cameron and his 'Tony Blair without spin (or policies)' appeal. But because the Tories would have sorted out a leader as divisive and redundant as Blair a long time ago. A few secretive meetings and said leader would be floating in a gutter with a knife in his back. Then we wouldn't have had to endure a week as monumentally fatuous as this last one. And journalists, instead of spending their time gossiping in Westminster bars, might actually do some proper reporting. For example, telling us about what appears to be an actual war being fought by British troops in Afghanistan.
Which would be a bit tough on the journalists, of course. But the Blair-Brown feud grew tedious about five years ago. There's no word for it now. The nadir (to date; I'm sure it will sink lower) had to be Charles Clarke criticising Brown for laughing after a meeting with Blair. This would be an astonishing non-story whoever said it - but Charles Clarke? The man booted out of the Home Office not because he'd been shagging his secretary but because he was simply no good at his job. Why does he imagine anyone cares now what he thinks about anything? More to the point, why do they?
Clarke's fall partially explains why there's no end in sight to this business. None of Blair's allies, the people he might have willingly handed power to, have lasted the course. Alan Milburn was even less competent than Clarke. David Blunkett has become a highly entertaining disaster area. John Prescott gave up long ago even trying to persuade people that he has any credibility, Peter Mandelson likewise for honesty. Only Gordon Brown has remained. Who was actually promised the job, who has propped up this Labour administration from the start but who, judging from the way he's treated, seems to have stolen Blair's lunch money when they were at school.
And until he finds a sucessor he trusts, Blair clearly doesn't want to go. Every piece of ground he concedes on the issue is miniscule and reluctant. He says he will go in a year. He hasn't actually set a date though, because apparently he wants an orderly transition. Normally that requires actually knowing when the transition will occur, but I'm not sure that that really masters here. In a year's time he'll probably say he'll go within a year again, and this time promising not to cross his fingers. Meanwhile Brown daren't act openly while he's still so obviously the only one who will benefit. It's considered acceptable to have naked ambition in Westminster. But acting on it is still seen as bad form.
So here we're all stuck. Blair and Brown, Brown and Blair. The one a fraction to the left of the centre ground or the one a fraction to the right. Perhaps the most long-lasting, subtle and, above all, spectacularly dull feud in the entire history of British politics.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Write And Wrong

The other night I had two conversations about writing with two people holding remarkably different opinions. One of them, a marketing man, believes that you should always identify your target audience before beginning. This will give you the ideal tone, style and even subject for your creation. A piece of writing is simply a product and its sales potential must be built in from the start. The other person is working on a novel which is effectively an autobiography. She has only considered getting it published in the sense of deciding that she doesn't want to ever get it published. Too much of the content will be painful and personal. The idea of some stranger reading it might preventing her from writing the truth.

I instinctively side with the latter extreme. Not just because reducing literature to a commodity is creepy – though it is, of course – but because I don't see the point in it. You can never really know what that target audience thinks. You can only presume, on the basis of what they've read before. So you have to give them the same again. The whole idea of writing being a way of expressing your unique self instantly vanishes. Instead it's just a glorified copy and paste exercise. If you're writing a book then you're no better than those Mills & Boon hacks putting flesh on the same rigid skeleton. If a web site, your output is just a flagpole on which to hang those income-generating banner adverts. Which is fine for some. But I already earn a living doing tasks I don't give a toss about. When I go home and put pen to paper, or fingers to keys, I want to please myself.

Up to a point. I write novels which will almost certainly never get published. Mostly because they're bad, of course, but also because they straddle several genres in a manner which satisfies nobody except me. Yet, unlike my friend, I would like to get the things sold eventually. I may do nothing to facilitate this once they're finished, but the intention is always lurking in my mind as I'm writing them. (And of course I've had the usual day dreams about getting rich from them, of quitting my job after telling my boss, in a tangle of mixed metaphors, what it is and where he can insert it.) It helps, this thought. It makes me sharpen my style, lengthen my descriptive passages, develop my characters more coherently. When I'm writing entirely for myself, I get lazy. The notion of a panel of waiting judges forces an effort I don't want, but nonetheless need, to make.

The idea of an audience has also pushed me in new directions. I generally say I started this blog to express thoughts which will just knock around my head annoying me until I write them down. Not wholly true, actually. They always fade eventually even if I leave them alone. And I never used to be motivated to do anything with them. This post – and every single other one on this blog – proves I still don't exactly take my ideas to reasoned conclusions. But these are lengthy and lucid essays compared to the incomprehensible paragraphs I used to scribble down and shove to the bottom of a drawer. My web site, too, was originally intended to be a dumping ground for miscellaneous stuff I'd already produced. Yet it's encouraged me to start work on some of the abandoned pieces again. Especially my ill-considered York guide which is now perhaps a quarter instead of a tenth complete.

Why? Because of that notion of a reader. Even if said reader is only a bored student who will scan a few lines, sneer and move on, it somehow gives my work a greater purpose. A reader, moreover, who I will never meet, will never even learn about. And that removes the risk from the process – an anxiety which has largely stopped me showing anything to family or friends. I try harder because I think I'm being judged. But I'll never, thank God, learn what mark I get.
I don't think I'm alone in feeling this. The combination of publicity and privacy has helped drive the blog phenomenon, encouraging thousands to home-publish their private diaries and poetry. Look further and you see the same mood in chat rooms, personal web sites, message forums, artificial 'friend' sites like MySpace. It neatly captures where we many of us stand as individuals. Willingly isolated and yet still craving for greater connections with society.

In other words: The middle ground I occupy, compared to the two extremists I talked to, is basically the correct one. So nyaahh.